Imposition - 8th Deadly Sin

On Captivity is the least place you wanted to be.

We have felt that we are special, at some point or another; maybe in someone else's eyes, perhaps your mother, your friends, your lover? The feeling was indeed enticing. Like there was nothing more delightful than being endowed in a trance that makes you feel SPECIAL.


But what if this person who makes you feel special, is not the same person that you feel so special about. Would it be unfair not to give back what you receive? Or would t be just as fair because you have free will, and that you are not obliged to feel the same way. Is it an obligation to return a favor you did not ask? Would it be pity to drive you to do it? Or would you even do it at all?

I had once this friend I thought so lightly of, but thinks highly of me. We mingled, laughed at personal jokes, go to the malls, hang-out, spend time. But of course, she was never my bestfriend. Friendly as she is, I kept my distance from her knowing that my standing as a student, and as a person is hanging loosely on a thread. I admit, I was careless – a grl who values frendshp lightly. But you can’t blame me. I pick my friends, especially my BEST friends. Because once called you my BEST friend, it was like committing myself into a bond I will never break.

So she was not my bestfriend. And though we were close, the closeness was one-sided, and that side wasn’t mine. I had my friends, she had hers, I choose mine, but she chose me. I kept my distance, unsure what to do, but I made it clear that my priorities doesn’t include her. But she kept weaving her way through me, and I keep on running, barely escaping her grasp.
Friends as we are, I didn’t want her attention, it drew me to the Pit of Shame, the least place I wanted to be. She intruded my life without ado, and I hate it. I told her that but it fell on the ears of a deaf. It was just a lame joke to her. But I was serious as a stone, I don’t want this. Never did I ask for this.

She kept on giving. I received them, but what? They remained idle on the shelves. I don’t want to touch them, not anymore, because I realized she was counting them, asking them back in a different form. And by that, I wanted to throw t back against her face. Slap them until they’re gone. Is it unfair to push her away? Is it? When I didn’t ask any of these?

I should have thought it through. This is all irony, dying as she may be, I can’t take her for granted, because I would be lying to myself again. My biggest flaw, my sin; when I pity these people and forgot to pity myself, is the time when I fell into abyss. And I’m scared to do it again.

I am a coward to push these all away, but I never embraced them fully. Attention is what we all seek, but their source is concealed. Its never from where we expected it, so hard as it may be, do not impose. Give and don’t ask anything back. But do not be concealed if they are already pushing back. Pity was reserved for one’s self, and not for another.

A captive is the least I wanted myself to be.